No matter what circumstances surround me it seems like there’s always something more for me to learn about how to trust God, when to trust God, another area of life to trust God with.
It was late March and I was working from home. Covid had hit the states and I wondered what the future would hold. Then early April came and I found myself without a job. My living situation was coming to an end and I didn’t know where I would live next. Several close friendship dynamics were changing. My life felt like a blank slate. This is not what I had pictured for myself days before my 30th birthday. More than any other time in my life, I felt that when I woke up in the morning, I had a choice to make of how I would make it through that day. One option was to worry and be anxious about what the future held. The other option was to trust the Lord, even though I had no idea what was next. Matthew 6 quickly became a favorite passage to sit with:
Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? … Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, “What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
I was worried. I was anxious for tomorrow. Not about what I was going to wear the next day, but where was I going to live? What would I do for work? How was I going to provide for myself? Some days I took to heart the Lord’s words of comfort that said, ‘Don’t be anxious for tomorrow,’ and my mind and soul found rest in trusting that it would be ok even though I didn’t have all the answers. I found refuge in the heart behind the question ‘Are you not of more value than they?’ Other days I listened to the voice of self-preservation that had to have control and make plans that would be successful. Those days I felt weighed down, scared, and alone.
Looking back, I believe that the Lord used this time to answer my prayers of “Take me deeper!” and “Teach me how to trust you more!” that I have prayed countless times. Like a muscle is built by repeatedly putting stress on it, I was given the opportunity to build that muscle of trust, of firmly believing that God was reliable and had the ability and strength to come through for me.
Day after day of surrendering my needs, my hopes, my fears (with many days of giving in to worry in between) did indeed build that muscle. In the thick of it I had to cling to God’s character. I had to remind myself of the truth. “He knows what I need. He will provide for me. He’s not abandoning me. He’s not leaving me to figure things out on my own. He’s with me. He doesn’t just have a plan for me to get by in life; he has a plan for me to live an abundant life of fellowship with him. His intentions for me are good. He values me. His heart toward me is kind.” Those months were difficult, but I’m so thankful for that season of my life being a blank slate and depending on God to provide a way forward. And he did. He provided a wonderful place for me to live, gave me my job back, and is providing close friendships. I am blown away by his kindness!
Maybe you have an area of life that is challenging and plagues your mind. Maybe you’re worried about what the future holds. Maybe you feel you’ve been holding on and trying to trust, yet there are no answers. I encourage you to take a minute and hold whatever it may be before the Lord with open hands and ask for his help to trust him. Find a verse that brings comfort to your heart and pray it back to the Lord. Proclaim his truth over your heart. He cares that you know you’re not alone. He cares that today you would know that he is a good and kind Father who knows your needs and is ready to provide. Hear his invitation to trust him again. As we trust, it is a witness to the world that we can’t do it on our own. Our trust points to our Father who, though he dwells in the high and holy place, also dwells with her who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, the one who trusts.
