I was seven years old, shy, quiet, and all alone on the playground. I had always been prone to being more withdrawn. This meant that making new friends proved difficult for me as a child. So, when I made a close friend, someone who made me feel I belonged, I clung to that relationship as a source of life and safety.
On this particular day, however, my young friend – whom I had spent daily play times with at school for the past year – informed me she no longer desired to be my playmate. This rejection felt confusing and painful. While I was not harmed physically, internally I suffered the wound of feeling that I was not wanted and did not belong.
This experience happened many years ago, and as I reflect on it, I am aware that comparatively this was a very small and perhaps even normal part of growing up. Learning how to make friends, how to be in relationships, and letting some relationships go, is an essential aspect of life. However, the pain I experienced from my friend’s rejection of our relationship highlights a deep and universal longing we all carry with us from infancy: we long to belong.
Curt Thompson, a Christian psychiatrist and neuroscientist, writes, “we all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us, and we remain in this mode of searching for the rest of our lives.” We are born with the ache to belong, to feel that we are significant to someone and wanted by them. God created us with this longing, and he created us to experience the fulfillment of this longing.
One of the most transformative aspects of Jesus’ ministry on earth was his ability to connect with individuals and meet their longing to belong in transformative ways. He consistently reached out to those in society who felt that they could not or did not belong. As we reflect on coming to “the table” with Jesus, the story of Zacchaeus stands out.
“…we all are born into the world looking for someone looking for us…”
Luke 19 tells us that as Jesus passed through Jericho, he was accompanied by large crowds. Zacchaeus, a wealthy Jewish tax collector, was intrigued by Jesus but unable to see him. Not only were the crowds overwhelming, but he was too short to see above the many heads. Famously, he climbed a tree so he could get a better look. And of course, Jesus took notice of him!
Jesus informed Zacchaeus (I believe with a twinkle in his eye) that he planned on coming to his house and dining with him that very day! What a surprise this must have been for both Zacchaeus and the rest of crowd who thoroughly (and understandably) despised and rejected this man, a national traitor who cheated them daily for his own selfish gain!
I love to imagine the emotions in this story. What caused Zacchaeus to look for Jesus that very day? What internally drove him to climb a tree so he could not only hear Jesus, but get a good look at him? What was he hoping to see? What did Jesus feel when he looked at that tree and saw a man he knew so many people despised, a man who likely knew very well what it felt like to experience rejection from his own people for his acts of exploitation?
I love how Jesus meets this man. He could have simply told Zacchaeus to repent for his sins and follow him. This would have been profound. But he goes so much further. He invites himself over to his house! We know how scandalous this was because Luke tells us that “all the people began to mutter,” complaining that he had chosen to be the guest of a “sinner”! How could he? In their minds, this man did not deserve such an obvious display of acceptance and belonging, certainly not from a rising star and teacher who claimed to be the Messiah! Zacchaeus was reprobate in their minds, deserving of rejection. At a minimum, certainly they felt he should have cleaned up his act before he was invited into the fellowship that dining with someone in their home implies. I think if we had been in their shoes, we would have felt the same way. Gloriously, Jesus does not do things the way we do!
We know from the story that Jesus’ delightful and joy–filled expression of acceptance for Zacchaeus produced the transformation and wholehearted discipleship we long to see in our own lives. He not only gave up his lifestyle of cheating and stealing, but he made amends to those he had harmed, giving away a significant portion of his wealth. Jesus’ relational and loving acceptance of Zacchaeus caused him to voluntarily respond with repentance and obedience. This is what belonging produces in us!
Before we can even utter coherent words, we are born with an internal and inescapable desire to belong. This longing was created by God, and while we do experience this in family and community, ultimately our deepest and most true sense of belonging comes from knowing we are deeply delighted in and desired by our Creator. This knowledge settles us when we face difficulty, pain, loss, and even rejection or hurt from people in our lives.
Today, as you consider your own relationships and experience of God, I wonder how you feel? Do you experience Jesus as Zacchaeus did? Joyful, inviting, celebrating, and accepting – even while you still have parts of your life that are not fully perfected or transformed? Or do you feel that you must clean up your act, become a better version of yourself, before you can experience his delight and full embrace?
Remember, transformation begins when we experience his love and, as the writer of Hebrews says, his kindness that “leads us to repentance” (Hebrews 2:4). Today I invite you to ask Jesus to reveal himself to you as the one who invites, enjoys, and embraces you in his loving presence as one who is beloved and belongs.
